


At What Cost

by notreallybecca



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Brotherly Love, Gen, No Incest, No Romance, No Sex, No Slash, No Smut, Order 66 Didn't Happen (Star Wars), Palpatine is Dead, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Survivor Guilt, Vent Piece, War Mention, but rex is in his feels, death mentioned, everything is fine, just getting my own feelings out through characters, violence mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:49:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27493753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notreallybecca/pseuds/notreallybecca
Summary: The Clone Wars has come to an end. Order 66 was thwarted and the Republic entered an era of peace. But at what cost?
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	At What Cost

**Author's Note:**

> So I was feeling angsty one day and churned this bad boy out in less than half an hour. I've done some minor edits here and there, but for the most part, this was just my raw feelings turned Star Wars lol. 
> 
> Also, I know Rex is sitting on the edge of a big pit, but I promise: There is no intention, mention or implication of suicide in this piece (at least, none that I did intentionally). If this is a possible trigger, please be warned 
> 
> Kudos and comments always appreciated, but please don’t repost my work <3
> 
> Crossposted to tumblr: https://notreallybeccab.tumblr.com/post/634424903969456128/at-what-cost
> 
> Star Wars Jargon:
> 
> Ecumenopolis = Planet-wide city  
> Speeder bike = small, scooter-like ships (motorcycle equivalent)  
> Vod = Mando'a for brother/sister/sibling  
> GAR = Grand Army of the Republic  
> Shiny = young, new, inexperienced soldier  
> Shebs = Mando'a for ass, butt cheeks  
> Kriff(ing) = Fuck  
> Hut'uun = Mando'a for coward (worst possible insult)  
> Bantha = large hairy bovine-eqsue animal  
> Kark(ing) = Fuck
> 
> WARNING: War mention, death mention, violence mention, Order 66 mention, survivors guilt, angst

Rex sat at the edge of the platform, his legs dangling in the emptiness below. His helmet sat in silent vigil next to him as he kept his gaze on the horizon, trying to answer the one question he could never solve.

_ Why? _

The sun was setting on Coruscant, a pale orange and yellow sky lighting up the ecumenopolis in colours that would normally bring joy or calm to those who witnessed. And it did.

For all but one.

He heaved a sigh and glanced at the pit below. Speeder bikes and ships puttered about the entrance to the underworld, their business going on as usual. But nothing was usual anymore. Nothing was fine. In fact, the peace that had been brought to the galaxy only brought more torment to the Torrent company Captain.

_ Why? _

It echoed in his mind like a cry for help, a shout in the dark which no one would ever hear. His body shook. 

_ Why? _

He balled his fists and tried to fight off the rising speed of his breaths. 

_ Why me? _

The sudden presence of a hand on his shoulder made him jolt, though he relaxed when he saw who it was 

"Cody," he acknowledged in a meek voice.

The Commander smiled down sympathetically at him. "mind if I join you?" It wasn't really a question. He sat down at his brother's side regardless. 

"So long as you don't mind the sky mocking you," Rex scoffed, the bright yet tranquil colours only making him feel worse.

Cody raised a brow at that but decided not to press. At least, not for now. "You seem more restless than normal, vod. Is everything okay?" He didn't get an answer, only a brief glance before the Captain's eyes were back in the pit. "The war is over, Rex," his voice spoke softly, as if he were trying to coax the other out of a trance. "We're free."

"But at what cost?" He huffed, fiddling with a piece of armour plating. 

Cody looked a bit taken aback by the statement, but he waited for Rex to keep talking.

The Captain realized how harsh his voice had seemed, and he sighed once again. "Sorry, vod… I know I should be feeling better. The war is finally over, for kriff's sake."

The Commander gave his brother's shoulder a light squeeze. "Then what's wrong, Rex?" The question was soft, inquisitive. He was trying to help.

Rex took a deep breath and looked back into the abyss. He stared in silence for a few moments before finally answering Cody. "Why did I survive?" 

The Commander blinked. "What?"

"Why did  _ I _ survive, Cody? Out of all three million brothers in the GAR, what made me so special? Why did I live when others didn't?"

The question hung like the blade of a guillotine over the poor soldier's head. It was laced with shame, with guilt, with regret.

"Rex…" Cody tried, but he had no words to say. He had no words because he  _ understood _ . "The war was not kind to us," he replied after a bit of thought. "It was not kind to any of our brothers. But we did what we could; we did what we had to-"

"But why us?" The Captain pressed. "Why did we have to be at the helm of so many men only to see them fall? I was their commanding officer. Their CO. They looked to me for guidance, for advice, for help. And yet, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I listened, or sat at the bedside of a nightmare -stricken shiny, or held the hand of a brother on the battlefield bleeding out…."

"You couldn't save them.." Cody finished, his voice heavy and sad. 

"I couldn't save them," Rex echoed. "I learned their names, learned their faces, their mannerisms, the way they moved, the way they spoke… and in an instant, it was all taken away." He rubbed his face tiredly. "And I know some might say 'well, you have others who  _ did _ survive', but they can shove it up their shebs because until they lose half their family to a war they were born to fight, they can kriff off," he growled.

Cody frowned at his brother, a pang of pain striking him through the heart. Rex didn't hold the war against anyone in particular. He held it against the whole universe.

"My life,  _ our lives _ , were solely created to be  _ used _ as soldiers for a war that ended up being controlled on both sides by the same kriffing hut'uun." He scoffed. "Blasted son of a bantha wanted us to spend  _ years _ forging bonds with our Generals, our  _ family, _ only to break it by shooting them right between the eyes," his shoulders slumped as the weight of the world came crashing back over him. 

"And that's not even the worst part!" He continued, his voice cracking at the edges. "I had to spend three years of my life bonding with my brothers, every single last one of them, only to watch the life bleed out from their eyes. Do you know how many men we've had to leave behind? We've had to lay to rest?"

Cody pressed his mouth into a tight, thin line. He knew  _ exactly _ how many troopers had been lost. 

"Those men died without ever really  _ living _ . These Coruscanti elites walk around and thank us for our service when they have  _ no idea _ what we've been through. All they're told is that we've saved the galaxy, not that we've lost everything we ever loved."

"Well, that's not entirely true-" Cody tried to interject.

"But it is, isn't it!" Rex retorted. "Because even though some brothers have survived,  _ we're all in pain _ . Every time I look at a trooper, or worse, look in the karking  _ mirror _ , all I see are the lives I couldn't save, not the ones I could"

Silence descended over the platform as both men let the gravity of the situation sink in once again. Cody fully understood what Rex was feeling. Every living clone could. 

"You're right," the Commander spoke softly after the quiet came to its natural conclusion. "It's still not okay. It's still not fine. But mark my words" his voice grew authoritative, and he took Rex's face in his hands, forcing him to make eye contact. "We're going to make it fine. We're going to make this Republic that we've fought for give us what we deserve for the way we've been treated, and we're going to remember those names and faces every day. Because no matter how many people may think they were just 'flesh droids', we knew them for who they really were: people."

Rex sniffled as his walls came crumbling down. He slowly leaned forward to touch foreheads with his brother as sob after sob wracked through his body. "Thank you," he whispered hoarsely. It wasn't just for the words he'd said. It was a thank you for being heard, felt, and understood. 

"We're going to make this right," the Commander promised.


End file.
